Monday, August 25, 2008

A Marketing Problem

I have a two pair of Jockey briefs. Why do we call underwear a pair, when they are only one? Perhaps it is because they hold things in twos. A couple of cheeks, a couple of balls, you get the drift? Anyway, for some reason I have two briefs made by Jockey where the access to the equipment should a man wish to take a leak is done by pulling the opening straight down instead of to the side. I have had these briefs for several years and I like them very much. Getting set up to whiz is quick and easy and when one is in a hurry as sometimes happens there is very little fumbling.

These briefs are the only ones I've every run across where access is 90 degrees from normal. So I've been thinking through the years how would Jockey market the concept. It is different. I think I would like to be part of that meeting. Perhaps the line "Pull down to Pee" might be catchy. Maybe something from the public service sector. "Fire departments pull their hose from the bottom, now so can you." Maybe an ad could be developed along the theme that ease of access helps a man through those anxious moments when you struggle finding the opening in the traditional side port variety.

In my younger years my first wife tried to play an April Fools Day joke on my by stitching up the opening on a brief. (I'm trying to make it singular.) Well, days went by, April 1 came and went and I had no response. Finally one day at the breakfast table her frustration came out and she simply accused me of not getting upset so I wouldn't give her satisfaction that she had pulled one over on me. I didn't know what she was talking about. At that time I didn't use the port, I pulled my brief down from the top.

I decided perhaps I should act like a normal man and use the access port designed by some underwear guru. I began using the side port. Sure enough, I had gotten into the routine when that brief showed up that she had stitched the opening closed. So I got nailed on the rebound.

Anyway, a brief by any other name can be distressing when a man is under pressure. Sometimes your tee shirt blocks the opening and you can't find the port resulting in a man frantically rummaging around in his shorts like some deranged sex fiend. Sometimes your short, like boxer variety twist and you find yourself feeling around by your appendix instead of where you need to be.

So I like my Jockeys. I wear them on the weekend when getting at "stubby" may be a matter of going or changing clothes. Jockey has a great idea, I just can't figure out how to market it.

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