Friday, February 29, 2008

This is the best of times

When I take my daily walk I spend the time thinking and talking things over with God. The other day I got to daydreaming about being able to go back in time. The restriction was I could go back but I could not change the situation or location I was in, I would know what I know today, but nothing else could be different. All I could do was make decisions going forward based on what I know today. I guess that falls into the category of would you do anything different if you had the change?

Well, first I went back 10 years. Terry and I had been married for six years, but the year would've been 1998. I had just joined The Solutions Group and wasn't really into industrial training yet. Terry had lost her job in 1996 and we were trying to make ends meet along with her running her flea market business. We had incurred quite a bit of debt as a result of both of us being unemployed, and things would tense. So going back 10 years wasn't very good.

Going back 20 years meant I would've been in Arkansas a little over a year. My divorce wasn't even final, I was struggling with being so far away from my kids, and family members. I did not know anyone in Arkansas yet, work was stressful as we had severe financial problems. It was not a good time of life. So twenty years wasn't worth a hoot.

I finally decided that if I were going to be able to influence today I would have to go all the way back to when I was 18. I was not married, I was in college, but boy was I stupid. However, if I knew then what I know now perhaps I could've had a substantially different outcome. However, maybe I would not have married my first wife and then my two wonderful daughters would not have been born. I would've missed out on the growing and maturing process. I did miss out on some as Jenny was just in high school when I left home, but I did get to see her play in the band and was proud of her accomplishments in forensics. The penalty however, going back to age 18 was too great to have possibly denied the world the presence of theses two fine adults. So going back to age 18 is not an option.

I finally had to conclude even though I have had cancer surgery, my heart beats irregularly, my age is showing, this is the best I physically felt in 25 years. Terry is in good health, we are somewhat financially secure, and our family is settled for the first time in a long time. So right now, this is the best of times.

Friday, February 15, 2008

What Really Chaps My Ass!

Yesterday some young man opened fire on the campus of Northern Illinois University in DeKalb, IL. The son of a bitch, he's dead, too bad I'd like to see him in jail for the rest of his life. I usually support the death penalty, but that is in the cases of losers like child abusers, sex-offenders, and people who abuse pets. I'm reading that the shooter was taking some kind of drugs, I don't know for what yet. Perhaps for some defective emotional problem, fuck him! There are five families devastated, their children are not coming home. Lives were snuffed out before they even got a chance. We will probably read about what an outstanding young man the shooter was, piss on him. What about the families of those who did not deserve to die. Are we becoming numb, West Virginia, other colleges where young people gather and die and we almost take some kind of sporting pleasure in the fact that our campus was harder hit then someone else's. Maximum kill, do we learn that from video games. Instant fame with the media exposure. Maybe we ought to do like the networks do at sporting events, don't show the streaker. Maybe if the perp is not identified, not written about, simply placed in a forgotten place and never mentioned, perhaps then the incidents will go away. This shooter at NIU should be spate upon, his memory erased, his birth record expunged, and his family ruined. If the consequences are so severe, so permanent perhaps families will learn to develop generations that are not so irrationally violent. I am really perplexed, I cannot think of anything that could stop this phenomenon. Obviously I am grasping, but I do know that our attempt at understanding or seeking causation will not be successful. Only one person knows the motive and he acted as a coward and shot himself.