Monday, January 20, 2014

Simple truths

My wife and I have a morning meeting that begins most often around 5 to 6 am. We have a pleasant sitting area in our bedroom and discuss the day, issues that have cropped up we may have to deal with, gardening, recipes and whatever may come to mind. It is a treasured time.

Recently we were talking about my impending retirement. I voiced some concern that my working life was ending and sometimes I felt like I was waiting to die. Terry asked, haven't you been doing that all of your life? It's true. Work has always defined me. I love a problem and a challenge. My work life has presented me with that ongoing opportunity and I've done well. If provided for my family plus it provided me with an outlet for my strange creative powers. I'm not a musician but I'd like to be. I'm not an artist, but I'd like to be. Still I have developed an ability to direct the work of others and very well thank you.

So now I find myself in a "limping waterfowl" work situation. My focus has altered to home and projects I've been wanting to tackle for a long time. I no longer go to work feeling like there is a mission to accomplish, or a challenge to take on. In fact, because I have to endure fecal incontinence due to my two bouts with colon cancer work is more of just getting through the day. I'm not in pain, it is just distracting to have to get up and use the bathroom a number of times during the day especially when you don't have the comfort of being home.

In reality nothing has changed in my life. I have always looked forward to and enjoyed change. This is no more than a transition. I hope I have at least ten good years, by that I mean where I am physically able to care for our property, work with my wife in the gardens and flower bed and to still cut brush and built things. The changes I am contemplating, wood working and such don't require a great deal of physical effort if you have the right equipment and that I am in the process of acquiring.

Once again a simple observation from my wife is very relevant to the situation I now find myself in. I don't often think of death, I probably am more concerned with the process. I have a home, a nice piece of property and a wonderful wife. I do not want to end up in a nursing home or a hospital. But that is somewhere out in the future and other than trying to take care of myself I shall not worry about that now.