Friday, February 29, 2008

This is the best of times

When I take my daily walk I spend the time thinking and talking things over with God. The other day I got to daydreaming about being able to go back in time. The restriction was I could go back but I could not change the situation or location I was in, I would know what I know today, but nothing else could be different. All I could do was make decisions going forward based on what I know today. I guess that falls into the category of would you do anything different if you had the change?

Well, first I went back 10 years. Terry and I had been married for six years, but the year would've been 1998. I had just joined The Solutions Group and wasn't really into industrial training yet. Terry had lost her job in 1996 and we were trying to make ends meet along with her running her flea market business. We had incurred quite a bit of debt as a result of both of us being unemployed, and things would tense. So going back 10 years wasn't very good.

Going back 20 years meant I would've been in Arkansas a little over a year. My divorce wasn't even final, I was struggling with being so far away from my kids, and family members. I did not know anyone in Arkansas yet, work was stressful as we had severe financial problems. It was not a good time of life. So twenty years wasn't worth a hoot.

I finally decided that if I were going to be able to influence today I would have to go all the way back to when I was 18. I was not married, I was in college, but boy was I stupid. However, if I knew then what I know now perhaps I could've had a substantially different outcome. However, maybe I would not have married my first wife and then my two wonderful daughters would not have been born. I would've missed out on the growing and maturing process. I did miss out on some as Jenny was just in high school when I left home, but I did get to see her play in the band and was proud of her accomplishments in forensics. The penalty however, going back to age 18 was too great to have possibly denied the world the presence of theses two fine adults. So going back to age 18 is not an option.

I finally had to conclude even though I have had cancer surgery, my heart beats irregularly, my age is showing, this is the best I physically felt in 25 years. Terry is in good health, we are somewhat financially secure, and our family is settled for the first time in a long time. So right now, this is the best of times.

1 comment:

  1. Whew! It's good to know I am not being wished off this earth!

    I think at every point in everyone's life you can think that you would make different decisions had you known then what you know now.

    At the end of the day though, the decisions are made, the consequences wrought, and all we can do is move forward with what we've got now.

    You have some deep thoughts, Dad!