Mortality revisited

For the third time in ten years I have had major surgery to cure a colo-rectal cancer. So far it has not. However, the cancer seems to revisit in the same exact spot which is highly unusual, so I always have hope that perhaps this time we got it.

In the meantime I have to put up with the sore abdomen, the uncomfortable feeling of being swollen, and the general weakness that comes with you body putting out a lot of healing effort due to the surgery itself.

Mentally it means coming to grips with mortality, again. You think you deal with it and and everything is OK until the promise of recovery and sick feeling you have during recovery. Will I see my kids, I want to enjoy retirement, I want to be with my wife, I do not want to die yet. So we fight on, we hope on, and perhaps this time, I'll be successful.