Bigger than life?

I keep reading about my Republican leadership and grow so disappointed. President Bush seems to ignore the feelings of the American people. From the polls one finally has to come to the conclusion that the American people do not want to be involved in Iraq. Yet you hear Cheney and Bush both ignore the issue to take the position that they know what is best for the American people. Cheney's arrogance is astounding. He recently said that Congress would knuckle under and pass a funding bill for the Iraq war without any strings, yet they did. There was no mandate for Bush's programs in the last election, yet he acts as though his war was approved. I do not like the lack of cooperation in Congress, they also are a bunch of arrogant asses in my mind. However in this instance I must say they probably represent the will of the people and Bush is simply ignoring that.
Wolfowitz a Bush confidant and leading proponent for war with Iraq is no accused of giving a lady friend benefits at the World Bank that are not according to policy. Arrogance again. One of the overriding problems that seems to face almost anyone who gains a leadership position, regardless of the level of importance, is the job then becomes about them and not why they were made the leader in the first place.
Clinton was an extremely arrogant President, just look at his actions. However, in my mind Bush has risen to new heights in making the issues of the United States his issues and ignoring the will of the people. But then haven't our leaders done that time and again?
I support term limits. Throw the rascals out, often. The president gets one term. In the house, three terms and the Senate one. Allowing paternalism and favoritism to grow is not healthy in my mind. I would really like to see idealism in our leaders and if they have a short period of time to impact change, then perhaps effective change will be made.

Some Sensitivity

I have stated in other posts in this blog that I had bowel resection surgery to remove a malignant growth from my colon. I was fortunate that the growth was contained and no further treatment was required. Still I now fall into the category of a cancer survivor. Just like Elizabeth Edwards and Tony Snow, however their outcomes are somewhat dimmer than mine.

I worry, it is apparently a problem all cancer survivors have, that is will it return? In the case of Elizabeth Edwards it sounds like she may survive for many years. I have a sister who's uterine cancer is considered treatable not curable. This spring it is 6 1/2 years since diagnosis. She did have the cancer reoccur but it was treated and now she is about two years cancer free. She lives life fully and her personality is a vibrant as ever, but still she admits to the fear of recurrence.

My point is Tony Snow, President Bush's Press Secretary, has had his colon cancer spread. A small tumor was removed from his abdomen, but it was found his liver is involved. It was not a day and I read in a CNN article that a cancer specialist stated that the type of involvement Snow has results in a fatality 90 - 95% of the time.

How would you like to have your life expectancy debated in the press. I don't know how Mr. Snow will handle his prognosis, I know I would be devastated. You need to come grips with this kind of news. I would want to do it in private not on Page 1.

I have thought about the media and how it jumped on both Edwards and Snow. Who wants to be a public figure when you life expectancy becomes a debatable commentary in America's media mill. Each day I walk around, grateful yet at times fearful. I am still coming to grips with the realization that I should just get on with life and live it as fully as I want. I cannot imagine what is going through Mr. Snow's mind, especially to see in the media already chalk him up as a statistic. Leave people a shred of privacy, or have some sensitivity.

You have to have the ability to hope!

A Discordant Symphony

I have my days. Since my surgery on my gastrointestinal tract I have had some interesting experiences. My body absorbs the food I feed it and regularly allows me relief from food build up. However, every once and a while it withholds relief and I begin feel uncomfortable. Kind of bloated if you will. I have learned that this will lead to an uncomfortable experience.

It is kind of like playing a symphony. Everyone knows that a full symphony has several movements. Usually these movements play on a theme and so does my body. The first few movements of the symphony are not too bad, the conductor is allowing the music to flow smoothly. However, seeing that my symphony has quite a bit of musical material built up, sometimes the movements go on for quite a while. Oh, there is the polite pause between the movements but the musicians seem to want to go on and on. After three or four movements the conductor tends to get sore. After five or six movements the conductor gets down right pissed off.

By this time the whole orchestra is getting tired and sore, and running out of gas. It is then that the movements become small short expressions that make little sense and are incomplete which makes the orchestra hall frustrated. The overall hall would like to have the music come to an end, not continue on leaving the hall still feeling like there is more. Finally the conductor is so upset he is in pain. It is at this time the orchestra hall brings out a healing rendition scored by Preparation Horatio. Finally the orchestra puts up its instruments, the conductor is soothed by the healing score provide by Prep H, and all is well.

This concert seems to be taking place weekly.

Crossing a New Bar

Well an interesting event seems to be occurring and I am the unwilling participant. Five months ago I knew I was past 60, however I still felt that I could lose weight, exercise and carry on as I had years ago. Then, a colonoscopy revealed a suspicious mass that turned out to be malignant. However surgery was successful, the malignancy had not spread and I was pronounced well by an oncologist. In the meantime I had a recovery to make, which was and is rather rigorous. Then eight weeks after surgery an old problem reared its head, atrial fibrillation, or arrhythmia. The last episode I had of that was 16 or 18 years ago. I have taken medication for all that time, but apparently the stress and trauma of surgery brought about a recurrence. Now I take another pill.

So what is this "New Bar?" I feel vulnerable to those things I thought were not of my time. Will my heart arrhythmia cause further serious problems. I have no heart muscle damage, my cholesterol is within limits, I've had two heart caths that indicated no blockage, and as recently as December as part of my pre-op procedures I had an stress test and echo-cardiogram that supported no blockages. I am sure my risk of serious heart problems rise above that of someone with no arrhythmia but should I feel so vulnerable. Perhaps time and getting used to the new rhythms will ease my discomfort. For now I feel age bearing on my shoulders.

Some medical episodes during home recovery

Most changes, or episodes seemed to happen to me in the first four weeks of recovery at home. The first week I would lay down in bed and try to go to sleep and as I dosed off I would be wakened by a light coughing fit and then gag. It was like my sinuses were draining and causing me to gag. It did not last long, and it did not occur every night, but it was a little disconcerting.

I was fortunate, I had stopped smoking years ago and as a result do not have a chronic cough. I did run into some coughing spells that made me hold my tummy because it pulled and there was light pain. I think if I had a chronic cough, for the first four weeks I would keep a pillow nearby to use as a brace against your stomach when you cough. I have no idea if you could injure yourself, but it just feels better if you have support on you abdomen when you cough.

One of the things to watch for is constipation. At first your diet is usually so bland and soft that having a bowel movement is no big deal. However, as you gain more confidence in your appetite and more foods start to appeal to you you may notice as I have that I feel like I have to go, but cannot. While the stool looked well formed, it also looks hard. It is. Constipation and straining too hard to have a bowel movement can cause several things. First, you muscles in you lower abdomen become sore. Second, you could potentially cause a hernia to occur in the lower intestine, I have to be very careful because my incision is quite low in my body. Creating a hernia in the incision area could mean more surgery. High fiber is important, and if you can supplement high fiber in your food with over the counter medicine. I did not pay too much attention early on in my recovery and hope like heck I did no damage, but I am paying attention now and it does seem to be paying off.

Good luck and swift recovery.

What I learned about prescription drugs.

In my larger post concerning the ABC's of Bowel Resection Recovery at Home I described a bad experience I had with pain medication. In summary I got high, then almost came apart with fear, anxiety and shallow breathing. Stopping the drugs did not relieve the symptoms as fast as I thought they would.

I am sure many people who have read about drugs and drug dosing may know what I learned. I have been under Doctor's care for years, sometimes taking medication for high blood pressure, etc. At least twice through the years I can think of being hammered by side effects of drugs that I was not aware of. However, I never thought about the capability of unintentionally increasing the impact of potential side effects until my episode with the pain medication.

The first piece of awareness came from a pharmacist when I called asking if this pain medication could cause the side effects I was encountering, fear, anxiety and shallow breathing. The pharmacist said they could, and probably are contributing to the symptoms. The pharmacist further explain the concept of drug half life. Drugs are not simply flushed from our system within a certain period of time, but their effect seems to decrease by half over time. So if you had a concentration of a drug built up in your body it might take a lot longer four or six hours to eliminate the drug.

The second piece of knowledge came from of all places from a TV show. I was watching an episode of CSI when one of the characters explained the impact of heroin. Simply stated, when the buzz from the drug is gone, the drug is not eliminated from your system. So, if you were to take more drugs to relive the buzz, you could be building up residual drug levels in your system that could lead to a toxic level or an overdose situation. As a recovering alcoholic I wouldn't be surprised that drug addicts are constantly walking the edge of being in an overdose situation.

Perhaps many of you know this, perhaps you think me naive. However, when I really ran into the negative side effects was when I decided to take the pain medication every four hours, instead of every four hours or as needed. I may have been my own worst enemy. The label every four hours as needed is a little misleading to me. Perhaps that is how health care people understand directions. I guess what is meant is don't take this drug more often than four hours, but use it as needed, if not needed don't take it!

Another lesson learned the hard way. Wish I'd known.

Best wishes all.

Some Additional Episodes during Home Recovery

It has almost been seven weeks since surgery. I'd like to report that I am ready to take on all things in life, but that is simply not true. The pain in my abdomen has subsided, but I am still sore and get little jabbing reminders that something was done to me. The one irritating thing that seems to be somewhat relentless is my upset stomach. I am prone to gas after eating, not that I wasn't before the surgery but this is quite uncomfortable. I am taking chewable Gavascon tablets chased with a glass of water and that seems to be helping. Still I cannot seem to shake this nervous feeling in my stomach.

My bowels are not regular. I think they are trying, but I am running into constipation. I have the feeling of needing to go, but can't. I have strained myself, but the Doctor said don't. You could create a hernia in the incision in the lower bowel causing a problem. I am now taking a fiber supplement and a stool softener. The Surgeon made a real point of DO NOT take a laxative. It has been a couple of days taking the two supplements and it does seem to be working to some degree. However, I have no idea if and when I will return to comfortable regularity I once knew.

I am still weak and tire easily. As I have stated in the larger post I am not a sleeper, so when I nap it may be for 20 to 40 minutes. It does refresh though and I am grateful for anything.

I am taking an anti-biotic for a urinary tract or bladder infection. I experience some discomfort and once and a while a slight burning sensation when I go. The anti-biotic is having some effect, but not completely relieving the symptoms. However, the anti-biotic does have some effect on the body. It says you may become dizzy, light-headed, upset stomach, loss of appetite while your body adjusts to the medicine. I've been having an upset stomach for some time. I do not know if it is tied to the medication, the surgery, both or other things going on. I have to take the medication for 14 days, day 14 is tomorrow, hurray! I hope that my stomach problems diminish, it is getting me down.

Among the side effects is irregular heartbeat. I would imagine that most people without heartbeat problems would not experience this side effect. However, I have a history of arrhythmia and premature ventricular contractions. So I can't help but feel the increase in PVC episodes is due to the medication. I'll find out in a few days.

I think that recovery from major surgery is a healing process coupled with dealing with different episodes as you recover. I know I am a lot better than I was four weeks ago. I am no longer nauseous, I am getting out and about. I don't feel very good, but in the end I'm getting there.