Love and In Love

I have been told, in the south, that it is OK to love someone, but it may not be OK to be in love with someone. I have a very dear friend, a male and we tell each other we love each other. A childhood friend, also a male, when we see each other we tell each other we love the other. I love my wife. What does "in" have to do with it? To be "in" love almost sounds like an act of love, then what is just loving another person. I do not know the distinction.

A psychologist I know well described love as an act of choices. I choose to be with this person. I choose to honor that person by being faithful and caring of their emotional well being. I spend time with that person because I derive pleasure from being with them. I care for that person with my material resources because I want them to be provided for. We share intimate thoughts because we trust one another.

Then mix in sex and the equation really goes ballistic. Yet I am not sure sex is an expression of love rather of a physical need that gets fulfilled by two emotionally attached person. After all we read of people who are promiscuous, or we read of swap clubs, or a lot of couples have affairs and dalliances that would seem to be impossible if a person truly loved the other.

There seems to be two aspects to relationships, rational and emotional. The two mix, but sometimes not well. A steady parent loses his head in an emotional relationship with an exciting, enticing woman and all of a sudden a marriage blows up and people are hurt because emotion overrode rational judgement.  On the other hand can a person love a person intensely and yet the rational side defeats the emotional side.? So what is love? I guess love by itself is just that, strong, warm feelings toward another person, mix emotion and you have an increase in intensity, but I'm not sure that love is any greater, just enhanced by hormones.

Then again, what the hell do I know.

The measure of a fine lady

We now are the owners of two fine Labrador pups. They are basically white in color, although the hair along their backs does have a yellow tinge to it. Terry brought them home from her mother's. I was not against the idea of having dogs again, and I had even thought that if we had dogs I would want two so they kept each other company. I just wasn't ready at this time, and was caught off guard. For the first month or so it seemed like taking care of them basically fell on me and I began to resent the time commitment when I have so many other things to do. Terry seemed to stand off a little bit, helped a little in feeding them and seeing that they had water down, but other than that I seemed to have the bulk of the work. I must admit I had thoughts that this didn't seem fair.

However, change was in the offing. A few weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night and realized the lights were on in the house and Terry was up. Normally, I get up in the middle of the night and let the dogs out to potty so they don't soil their sleeping area. This night Terry was going to let me rest while she dealt with the dogs. If I get up in the night to take the dogs out I just go out in a pair of flip flops and my sleep shorts, no shirt, no bug dope, just get up and go. I could hear Terry moving about but wasn't sure what was going on so I got up in case she needed help. I walked into her dressing closet and her she was struggling into jeans, had a long sleeve shirt on and was going to take the dogs out. She was upset with me for getting up as she wanted me to have a good night's sleep. God Bless her.

Last week we had some serious discussion about the pups being too much for us to handle and we should look for a home for them. Both of us agreed that they are good dogs, very loving and well mannered for how young they are. We kind of agreed that we should continue to try to get them controlled and work through their adolescent period. Perhaps! That evening Terry said she was aware she was not pulling her share of the load and took over the evenings chores of walking the pups, taking them out for the evening bathroom stroll and I should stay in and relax.

She made the mistake of not leashing them. For some reason I am gaining control over their actions with my voice, Terry is not. It was a hot evening, still in the 90's. All of a sudden the door opened, this intense yet disheveled woman came in and slumped in the kitchen table chair. The dogs had seen a neighbor's pet rabbit and chased it. Terry had gone after the dogs and could not get them to come home. Finally she picked up Molly and carried her back home, some several hundred yards. The dogs now weigh in the 30's and Terry is not a physically strong woman so it took all of her determination to carry that dog home. Where one dog goes, so goes the other so Lily follow Terry and Molly home. Terry was hot, beat, sweaty, thirsty, all of the things that cause her discomfort that she so detests. But, she made it. She had swung her weight, and even though she perspired, which she dislikes, and lacked strength she brought the dogs home, and got them in the house without too much incident.

That effort and partnership is the measure of a fine lady. I did not know the difficulty she was having otherwise I would've gone outside and helped. But she would not have wanted that, and I am proud of her, grateful for her love, and love her all the more for her effort.