Some thoughts

My daughter Jenny and I get into some long discussions, last night, May 13, 2011 was no exception. I enjoy our talks, we don't always have the same point of view, in fact, I would hope we don't. However our talks are lively and cover a wide range of subjects. As we were talking last night I told her that even though I consider myself a Republican, this is not the Republican party I signed up for. On the one hand the conservatives argue that mandatory participation in health care is not constitutional and abridges ones individual rights. On the other hand they champion banning abortion and say that a woman has no right to choice, thereby ignoring her individual rights. They speak out of both sides of their mouths.

One commentator I heard, and I agree with his point is the every person in America will make use of our health care system at some time and therefore it is only fair that all should participate. I think that is a telling argument. I'm willing to pay my way, but I'll be damned if I feel I should pay for someone's health needs when their choice to refuse insurance is they are young and won't make use of it now.

Anyway, Jenny and I have some special talks. I treasure them. It is so nice to have two daughters that we just openly talk about all issues and respect our rights to hold our own beliefs. It is one of my most enjoyable times, I love to discuss issues, it is how I expand my knowledge.

A new blog

I have started a new blog. It is titled Bowel Resection Home Recovery. I have decided not to mess up this blog with medical issues that can become kind of disgusting and may have more relevance to folks going through bowel resection. I have received a number of comments ranging from Scotland to Australia concerning my Goggle of Bowel Resection Home Recovery and obviously it has meant something to somebody. So I thought I just have a dedicated blog and see if that picks up some folks how may need some help.

Went to the Dr this morning

I went to see our family Dr this morning. I actually had an appointment for tomorrow but my mind has been working on me and currently has the best of my condition. I am very concerned about the state of my bowels. This Dr is a good one, a GP or here in the South a Family Practitioner. He takes time with you. Turns out he has much the same problem as I, and I have an appointment with a GI Dr but not for about six weeks. Whew, that is a long time to have the bowel problem I have. However he did tell me that he takes six fiber pills a day and that seems to work pretty well for him. After quite a detailed discussion he does not feel that there is much concern for some growth or scar tissue, or even an adhesion. But, he does recommend I see the GI guy.

I came home and have taken the recommended dose of Fleet Sodium Phosphate laxative to clean out for a colonoscopy. My stomach is rumbling and I'm hoping to have some relief soon. It has been 12 days. However, I feel better talking with the Doc as he just felt my problem is one of a combination of fiber and bowel training. So I guess we shall see what happens.

I'm scared!

I think I write too many posts with the idea that my daughters will read them and I don't want to appear human, Dad's aren't human, they are towers of strength and fix things. However, I didn't write this blog to be syrupy positive and strong, but to reflect the events in my life that may have some interest to my loved ones and whoever else may come across these writing. So here goes.

I'm scared. When I had the bowel resection almost four years ago I was mostly numb. The colonoscopy said I needed surgery. I didn't fret, I was just like an automaton, going along not reflecting or thinking about it too much. The polyp turned out to be cancerous, but caught so early the Dr's all said, "you're cured." Recovery was just that, putting one foot in front of the other waiting for time to pass and my body to heal itself, which it did. However, there has always been a problem. I do not go to the bathroom easily.

I had pretty much resolved my self to a life of having strain & pain when I had a BM. However, I found relief and had an hour of pain but 23 hours of ease. I had resolved it to be an acceptable trade. However, as time has gone on the pain & strain has gotten worse. It culminated about five weeks ago to almost constant pain and bloating with small periods of relief. I didn't do anything. I could not make sense of the events but was hoping something would pass or it would get better.

Now after several episodes I think the restriction has become more pronounced. I had a "bug" hit me about a week and a half ago and in the process I took a strong laxative that literally cleaned me out. The result was after the bug passed I had 3-5 days of almost euphoric ease. I had energy, the old optimism was in force, I was alive and vital. But, I wasn't going to the bathroom, it was just stacking up in my body. I have tried 4 doses of laxatives in the past week without success. I get painful cramping, a sick feeling, and no relief.

Why am I scared. Because I think the problem is mechanical, not an illness. I think there has always been a restriction but for some reason it is worse. I'm scared because I feel like I'm going to have to under go a battery of tests including a CT and that time energy and fear will be spent on trying to find out what is going on. I don't really believe it is a return of cancer. I just had a colonoscopy ten months ago and the report was all clear. However the Dr. at VA that did the test had the personality of a slug. He didn't even acknowledge me when he came into the OR to do the procedure. He certainly brought me out long enough to point out that there was still some fecal material in the colon and that I hadn't cleaned out really well. He was an ass. But that didn't mean he didn't do his job and the report was OK. Could it be scar tissue building up? I suppose. Maybe it is a slight kink. Regardless it is going to cost me time, energy and worry until it gets resolved and that has me angry, frustrated and afraid all at the same time.

My wife is able to set aside worries and do something to focus her mind elsewhere. Me, I've got to obsess about it, I have to speculate, wonder and analyze. It is my nature about all things, I wonder, I try to learn, I speculate and I analyze. It has been one of my most powerful characteristics in my work life, but it is one of my terrible faults in my personal life. So here I sit, scared, worried and frustrated of what I see looming as a significant problem. However, I also know that I carry that analysis to the extreme and what has seemed to be insurmountable issues have been quite insignificant when reality is determined. I hope that is the case this time.

A week to go

A week from tomorrow, mid-term elections will be over. Today on NPR one panelist referred to this mid-term election as possibly setting the political tone for the next decade. Heck, I thought when Obama was elected the political tone was set for the next decade. Politics, so maddening, so confusing, yet so right.

Fact is, if the Republican's take the House they can't repeal the healthcare bill. They can underfund parts of it, but once the American people realize that the whole bills is so interrelated that you won't be able to change part of the bill without effecting a lot of the bill it will continue on.

Fact is, all of the politicians operate on raising our fear level. Regan asked the American public to think whether or not they were better off four years ago than they are today. My answer is no. I have my home paid for, I spend far less than I make, I've husbanded our resources and my home is renovated and looks good. I don't have cancer, and my heart is ticking along well, so yes, thank you for asking, I am better off than I was four years ago. So are my kids. So is my ex-wife. So are a lot of people I know.

I wish the electorate would rise up and say to Congress you must term limit yourselves. You should not be career politicians who put personal gain over public welfare. So throw the bums out. Elect the Republicans and watch our ever present political process grind down their rough, and ready edges.

Then you know what, in four years we'll ask again, are you better off today than you were four years ago? Know what, I'll bet the answer is yes.

A Strange Thought

I sincerely believe that man's inability to deal with the unknown led him to create a God. Which man then worshiped as the granter of all good things and blamed for all the bad things. Wars were fought under the auspices of God, races were slaughtered in the name of God. Nowhere have we any proof that the "right" God won. We have stories, but in all of the years of war, slaughter, and genocide has any final verdict been rendered? No, the battles still rage.

What if there really was a God? What if that God had a universal philosophy that all living things were created equal and no one species was any better than any other species? Logic would then say that the species of the world live in harmony and balance with each other, only one species has not. What if all living creatures were following natural rules of evolution. Where then is heaven?

Always two sides

A good friend sent me a slide show with a beautiful rendition of "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" as the background. It purported to trace a parallel between the U.S. and Argentina of the past century. Argentina according to the information was second to the U.S. in economy around 1900. They had railroads, industrial development, and a robust economy Then came the progressive/socialist politicians who instituted government run health-care, stimulus packages and appealed to the masses. Thus the disintegration of Argentina and the argument that the U.S. is on a similar track.

I don't say hogwash. However, what concerns me is that the other side of the story is ignored. Yes there was industrial development similar to the U.S. but there was abuse of the workforce, there was no pass through of the riches the industrial and agricultural captains gained. Just as in the U.S.

Are we so naive to think that a group of workers got together and said, lets fork over two hours of our wages every month to a group of people to represent out interests with the owners, and let's call that organization a union. No, people who did not kowtow to the owner's wishes could be black listed, never to work in that community again. They could be summarily fired at a whim without recourse. This country's legal system is built on the right to have your side of the story heard and a judgment rendered. I do not like unions because the nature of the union's philosophy leads to mediocrity. But, unions did not spring up from some satisfied worker wishing to bond together, they arose because of the abuse the owners perpetrated to satisfy their own lust for power and greed for material reward.

A story is told of George Pullman who had built a company town for his workers. Due to a recession in the 1890's the Pullman Palace Car Company was forced to lay off workers, some of whom lived in the company town. When rent came due workers told the company they had no income and could not pay the rent. Pullman was supposed to have replied, well, my bills continue even with the economic downturn, so you must still pay the rent.

I believe in an individual rights. I believe we have the responsibility to take care of ourselves and our families. I do not ask for help from anyone, if possible. But I also believe in being fair and just. Many captains of industry were not, their riches were gained off the sweat of the workers and without care or consideration. Henry Ford did not increase the pay of his workers to $5.00 a day when the average was $1.00 per day out of some sense of humanitarian fairness, but so his workers could afford to buy his cars.

What we seem to have a difficult time accomplishing is a balance. Perhaps it is the the nature of our kind that a balance will never be struck because of the basic competitive nature of mankind. But it should ebb and flow without violent swings, and that is what this country is all about. ;